I dunno if this will reach the popularity of the Donald Glover one, but I’m really proud of these.
One of my favourite game series.
"what’s up everybody it’s Cr1TiKaL, I’ve just been elected President of the United States, let’s do this shit."
the fact that there have no leaked nudes in my dashboard proves that i’m following the right people
My best friend sent me this tutorial of her doing her eyebrows and I thought you all would find it useful xoxo
this is amazing
With my fucked up heart and lonely soul, I will always choose you.
I only want you between the cracks of rapture and torture,
and trust you to be the antidote or the poison, running through my veins.
Even if the world splits in half every time we part,
You are worth the pain.
I love you and nothing is ever going to change that.
|—||Zeff Wolf (m.b. I’ll keep my promise, #12)|
Too many men look at me like I owe them something, like the word ‘beautiful’ should mean something to me just because that’s how they choose to describe me. Too many men think that the black heels I wear to the grocery store is my way of saying, “Look at my legs. Do you like the way my dress hugs my curves?” When the truth is I just got off work and need some fucking beer and bread. Don’t look at me like that, the only reason my lips are painted red is because I ran out of Chapstick and this was the only thing I could find in my car.
I once dated a man who said that for Valentine’s Day all he wanted was me in red lace. He said that I would taste like chocolate, that he wanted to show me just how good love can feel. He talked like his sex skills were the best gift he could give me. I wore black lace and showed him how it feels to be fucked harder than the night he lost his virginity to a stripper. He said I tasted like mystery and black coffee as he got down on his knees to find his boxers. He said he couldn’t find the taste of chocolate on my neck. That was the morning he realized that being a man had nothing to do with ‘how hard you can fuck’. If that was the case, I would be ten foot tall and bullet proof and one hell of a guy with nice boobs.
One time I fell into the arms of a drunk man who claimed that he loved me afterwards. He called me a bitch when I said I just wanted to be his friend. I told him if me giving him my friendship made me a bitch then me giving him my heart would make me a cunt from hell. That was the day I stopped kissing boys who had to prove that they were men and started holding hands with men who didn’t realize they turned heads when they walked by.
Love rests in the heart and is spilled from your throat.
Lust rests in your pants and prefers to not ask for a name.
One day those men will realize that sincere, kind words
are the way to a woman’s heart, not a good fucking.
One day those men will realize that their Adam’s apple
is the forbidden fruit,
not their dick.
when he asks what drawer you keep your lingerie in//d.a.h
i told my mom that god has killed babies in the bible and she didn’t believe me so i searched it up and to my surprise
there’s a list???
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST
in conclusion god is an asshole
okay well I mean ten murders is still bad though so
god gambles with your souls pass it on
Guinea Pigs are natural swimmers, but have to be introduced to the water slowly so they don’t panic
"so they don’t panic"
The life of a Guinea Pig is 200% panic
Supernatural fans, ever wonder why the boys are named Winchester? Not only is it a brand of gun but there’s a famous ghost story that goes with it
Sarah Winchester, wife of the gun-maker William Winchester, visited a medium after her husband died of tuberculosis. She was told that the family was cursed and being haunted by people who had been killed with Winchester rifles. The psychic said the ghosts could be appeased if she built a house for them. “Never stop building,” she was told “or you’ll die”
For the next 38 years she had construction going on the home 24 hours a day
Each night she held a seance to ask the ghosts what to build next. Because she let the dead design much of the house the layout doesn’t always make sense
There are staircases that lead to ceilings
doors that open onto walls
and one that leads to a two story drop off
Sarah Winchester slept in a different room every night hoping the ghosts wouldn’t be able to find her. In 1922 she died in her sleepthis is rad as heck
"Mrs. A? What does depression feel like?"
"Well… It feels like all I want is to die, but I have to live."
"That’s funny… Most of the time I feel like I want to live, but I have to die."
|—||Mitzi Hunt & Susan Ashworth, The Cat Lady (via decaffeinatedgeorgie)|
When you are 13 years old,
the heat will be turned up too high
and the stars will not be in your favor.
You will hide behind a bookcase
with your family and everything left behind.
You will pour an ocean into a diary.
When they find you, you will be nothing
but a spark above a burning bush,
still, tell them
Despite everything, I really believe people are good at heart.
When you are 14,
a voice will call you to greatness.
When the doubters call you crazy, do not listen.
They don’t know the sound
of their own God’s whisper. Use your armor,
use your sword, use your two good hands.
Do not let their doubting
drown out the sound of your own heartbeat.
You are the Maid of Untamed Patriotism.
Born to lead armies into victory and unite a nation
like a broken heart.
When you are 15, you will be punished
for learning too proudly. A man
will climb onto your school bus and insist
your sisters name you enemy.
When you do not hide,
he will point his gun at your temple
and fire three times. Three years later,
in an ocean of words, with no apologies,
you will stand before the leaders of the world
and tell them your country is burning.
When you are 16 years old,
you will invent science fiction.
The story of a man named Frankenstein
and his creation. Soon after you will learn
that little girls with big ideas are more terrifying
than monsters, but don’t worry.
You will be remembered long after
they have put down their torches.
When you are 17 years old,
you will strike out Babe Ruth and Lou Gehrig
one right after the other.
Men will be afraid of the lightening
in your fingertips. A few days later
you will be fired from the major leagues
because “Girls are too delicate to play baseball”
You will turn 18 with a baby on your back
leading Lewis and Clark
across North America.
You will turn 18
and become queen of the Nile.
You will turn 18
and bring justice to journalism.
You are now 18, standing on the precipice,
trembling before your own greatness.
This is your call to leap.
There will always being those
who say you are too young and delicate
to make anything happen for yourself.
They don’t see the part of you that smolders.
Don’t let their doubting drown out the sound
of your own heartbeat.
You are the first drop of a hurricane.
Your bravery builds beyond you. You are needed
by all the little girls still living in secret,
writing oceans made of monsters and
throwing like lightening.
You don’t need to grow up to find greatness.
You are stronger than the world has ever believed you to be.
The world laid out before you to set on fire.
All you have to do
|—||For Teenage Girls With Wild Ambition and Trembling Hearts, Clementine von Radics (via clementinevonradics)|
Allow me to introduce you to the Red-eyed Crocodile Skink.
Since these guys were recently discovered (mid to late nineties), there isn’t a whole lot that is known about them, but I’ll share a few facts with you here.
- These guys can grow up to ten inches in length, though the average is more like seven.
- They’re pretty shy and choose to play dead as their defense mechanism.
- Other than geckos, these guys are one of the only lizards that vocalize. Their sound is described as a barking noise when they’re in distress
- Average lifespan is listed at around 6 years
resistance was futile
just this guy’s laugh
holy shit i’m crying ngl
That should not have been as funny as it was!
OH MY WORD
GRAB THE TARP GRAB IT
"they have angered the machine!!"
I’m genuinely in pain from laughing
awwww how cute